The thoughts of "after" are stronger. I am and since the day I met Rach, have been committed 100% to Rach. I realise things have been shit and pretty non-existent between us recently but this doesn't make it any easier.
She is being honest and her intentions are right. She is trying to protect me from getting hurt in the long run. I know she is going to be the person she wants to be when she comes out the other side of this but her thoughts about me may well change. I am pretty certain she is committed to me as much as I am to her and this is shown by how difficult a situation we find ourselves in.
What do I do?
I can't just stop feeling the way for her that I do. The strength of my love and feeling is not easily switched off.
I can't see past what is going on right now and I don't think I will for a while.
All I see and all I know is my feelings for Rach and how I just want to be with her.
It would kill me to see her with someone else whether we are just on a break or split up for good.
The most upsetting thing s thinking how my mum will react. I can't tell her, it would devastate her. I want to go to the Wedding with Rach and only as friends
Being friends is the only option right now, we were not much more than that before this happened and had lost our way somewhat.
Once the pain goes away, I think things will be better. The underlying friendship and love wont have gone. If it is the right relationship then it will happen
I like the idea of Rach fighting for me (and kitten)...
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