This is incredible, I have never seen it before and just couldn't get over it. Yes it is a reflex and the surgeon moving the hand back into the uterus but its amazing!

Blogging by mail

Firstly I apologise to you Deborah for not updating things sooner!

your parcel arrived at a time when i had completely forgotten about the blog and it was a wonderful surprise. I loved the music and the chocolate and I really liked how you explained everything you had sent to me. It looked as though you had considered things long and hard before sending and I thought that was lovely

Thanks

xxx

whoops

I have been terrible at pretty much everything recently, including keeping my blog updated. I haven't stopped working at the world of HMV including an 80 hour week!! The money from that super hard week has allowed me to buy a nice new TV which I am currently sat watching, shivering slightly because it is so cold.

stuff but not too much shit

So....

I love you, you know this. I love you in a way i never thought possible. A complete way that makes things feel right, warm and comfortable.

I am doing my best to be strong and keep on going, its difficult as much for me as for you.

You love me

You want me

You want the future we talk about

but you are doing the brave thing and making sure it is right, making sure you are right, making sure I am right, making sure the future we will have together is the way it should be.

I love the tingle of your touch, the warm softness of your lips and the way you gently move into me when we kiss.

I have got to keep going, be patient and get on with things. I'm a catch and you are going to have to catch me again. I;m looking forward to being chased

xxxxxxxx

eyes

Eyes can't lie

For that reason when you looked me in the eyes last night and told me that you would fight for me and that you wanted me, I could do nothing but believe you. I am now faintly scared for the person if there is one that you will fight. They don't have a chance.

up and down and up again

gut wrenching despair and anguish to the glowing inner warmth.....extremes of a scale.

that's life?...

that's how it has to be?

life is full of give and takes, we have to do both to allow ourselves to grow and develop. Karli has told me millions of times that I need to think about me and take more for myself.

I'm me....I am doing the thing i want to do most in the world, i am living in a beautiful house and I have a circle of friends across the world who I can rely on and trust. I am in a better position in my life that I have ever been before and it has taken me a long time to get here. Nothing has been easy and nothing has been simple. I've met the one, the woman i will spend the rest of my life with. Free-spirited, stubborn, beautiful and creative bundled up into a wonderful package of care and compassion. But she isn't ready, she hasn't had the opportunities I have had to find out who she is.

There are glimpses of the independence showing through and I like what I see. There is an issue but that is me, patience. Something I don't necessarily have large amounts of. Last week taught us both that we are deeply in love and in times of need, there isn't any one else that the two of us want.

The wedding was amazing, the lovely warmth that was there exuding from our friendship and the closeness was developing again. Not necessarily the closeness of a full on relationship but that of a friendship that is deep and rewarding.

Whether we rushed into living together or met slightly too early can not be helped. We met each other on that one in a million chance and found the person we want to spend our lives with. Neither of us were looking for this and neither of us expected that things would be as good as they were, scary? hell yeah! rewarding and wonderful? oh yes. Regrets? none.

This was a full on grown-up relationship, different from anything either of us has had before. Makes it scary, makes it uncharted territory, makes it intense.

I here as your best friend forever. I want you to fight your fucking arse off to get me back. You are going to have to. Whether it takes, months or years I don't care.