up and down and up again

gut wrenching despair and anguish to the glowing inner warmth.....extremes of a scale.

that's life?...

that's how it has to be?

life is full of give and takes, we have to do both to allow ourselves to grow and develop. Karli has told me millions of times that I need to think about me and take more for myself.

I'm me....I am doing the thing i want to do most in the world, i am living in a beautiful house and I have a circle of friends across the world who I can rely on and trust. I am in a better position in my life that I have ever been before and it has taken me a long time to get here. Nothing has been easy and nothing has been simple. I've met the one, the woman i will spend the rest of my life with. Free-spirited, stubborn, beautiful and creative bundled up into a wonderful package of care and compassion. But she isn't ready, she hasn't had the opportunities I have had to find out who she is.

There are glimpses of the independence showing through and I like what I see. There is an issue but that is me, patience. Something I don't necessarily have large amounts of. Last week taught us both that we are deeply in love and in times of need, there isn't any one else that the two of us want.

The wedding was amazing, the lovely warmth that was there exuding from our friendship and the closeness was developing again. Not necessarily the closeness of a full on relationship but that of a friendship that is deep and rewarding.

Whether we rushed into living together or met slightly too early can not be helped. We met each other on that one in a million chance and found the person we want to spend our lives with. Neither of us were looking for this and neither of us expected that things would be as good as they were, scary? hell yeah! rewarding and wonderful? oh yes. Regrets? none.

This was a full on grown-up relationship, different from anything either of us has had before. Makes it scary, makes it uncharted territory, makes it intense.

I here as your best friend forever. I want you to fight your fucking arse off to get me back. You are going to have to. Whether it takes, months or years I don't care.